My son is not a communist...he may be stupid and he may be a communist but he is NOT a pornstar!
- Grandpa Simpson (to Homer Simpson) in the Simpsons
When life gives you lemons..SHUT UP and eat your d*** lemons!
- House MD
TAG: Phoebe. That's a nice name.
PHOEBE: You think that's nice, you should hear my phone number.
Everyone's family is embarrassing. And if they're not embarrassing then they're dead.
- Kitty, 'That 70's Show'
Elliot: My life is a mess!
J.D.: At least you're pretty.
Elliot: Yeah, well, pretty don't pay the rent!
Carla: It does for my sister.
Elliot: Oh, my God, your sister's a prostitute?
Carla: She's a model. Come on, Elliot, we talked about thinking before we speak.
The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a beer bottle,
they're on TV.
- Homer Simpson
This plan is so complicated I can't even begin to know what i'm talking about.
- Peter Griffin (Family Guy)
Monica: "well, that's the last box of your clothes. I think I label it 'What were you thinking?'"
Rachael: "Funny, I was just about to go across the hall and write that on Chandler(monica's boyfriend)"
Dr. Kelso: I got you a present for your trip to Mexico. It's my old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore, I've mastered the language.
Dr. Clock: Gracias, Señor.
Dr. Kelso: You're welcomo.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers!
- Homer Simpson
"Daddy loves you, Honey. But Daddy also loves Star Trek, and by all means, Star Trek was here first."
- Peter Griffin - Family Guy