Panel/Workshop Suggestion: How to talk to boys

[DivineChaos]

Yes, if the other, "How to Talk to Girls" thread is correct, then this went on at the previous fanime.  I think that placing this here would only be appropriate, because it seems that girls for the most part believe that guys have all been figured out.  Okay, so they've pinned down habits that are common to many, such as etiquette and whatnot, but what really goes inside those crazy little minds of theirs.  I must quote from one of my friends, "Girls say that guys are simple and don't have problems, but you guys really aren't.  [You guys are] more complicated than the girls actually."  Okay, so maybe I paraphrased, but this is big coming from a girl who doesn't watch anime at all.  She was able to pick out that yes, guys do have thoughts, other than the perverted ones that everyone has sterotyped them to have. 

*Thinks for a moment* Okay, so there are times when we have our bad moments, saying things that are honestly not too good to say in front of polite company, but we do have other things on our mind.  So I propose having a panel of guys answering questions, because that would be great to have.  Fun for all.  Wewt.

[PyronIkari]

But... she's wrong.

Guys aren't complicated at all. Guys are more logical in action, girls are more emotional(generally speaking). Neither sex is really complicated when you think about it, it's a matter of "what they want, and why" or "what they don't want, and why".

The idea of the panel is amusing, in terms of "hahahahahaha what the hell?" but for the most part...

"how to talk to guys" would be "go up and say something... it doesn't matter what, just say something. You'll know within 5 seconds if he's interested or not".

[DivineChaos]

Yes, but these wants and needs are really based on superficial things that no one ever addresses.  This in the end creates a society, much akin to ours today, that merely acts upon impulse and not on true logic.  There's a problem with this, because the belief that neither side is complicated is in itself a superficial thing.  No one wants to be complicated, therefore hiding any complications within them.  I've seen way too many relationships (not even dating relationships, but relationships in general), wherein the two individuals in question don't actually know much about each other.  Sure, they know each other's favorite color (....you know what i mean >.>), but do they actually know the person? 

The problem is that no one bothers to find out, because no one wants to break that status quo, that thing that keeps everyone moving in a uniform fashion.  In order to break this, one side or the other must be educated.

But, even if the analysis of "neither sex is complicated" is correct, and that it is a matter of knowing wants and needs, there are far too many that are out there that do not know how to figure out the wants and needs of the opposite gender.  And the majority of those that remain are those that think they know, but really know nothing at all, except for what is shoved upon them by the will to remain seemingly uncomplicated.  This, ironically, creates an interesting effect wherein they make things even more complicated by trying not to be, because then the relationship between the two individuals in question is built upon a base made of water.

((Wow, we're having fun discussions today, neh?))

[PyronIkari]

Indeed we are.

The issue with that is, that you are no longer talking about gender roles as a basis, but now the basis of the individuals. Though what you say is quite funny, because it's basically the same thing I say about this forum as a whole(and am getting quite a bit of flak for it).

The basis of understanding... is just the will to understand, to observe, and to add them together. To try to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and seeing what they want, and why they want it.

[DivineChaos]

Oh, yeah, I'm slowly realizing that what I'm saying can be, and would be better suited for, individual social interaction (sounds contradictory, but I think that works).  But, since we must start from somewhere, it would be better to get to know the opposite sex a little better.  Hopefully one could say that they know themselves well, but as we know, knowing others is a lot harder.  So, if this such panel was carried out correctly and in an organized fashion, we would be able to ultimately profit from the experience.  I intend to see both of them, just to see how everything goes, assuming these would go through.

We need the basis of understanding to start somewhere, and we might as well be educated anime fans, rather than ignorant ones. 

p.s. Oh yeah, don't get kicked out, or else I won't have anyone to argue with anymore.

p.s.s. I'll try to put everything together in a more coherent fashion after I sleep. 5AM ftw.

[PyronIkari]

I agree completely with the idea, but the delivery is near impossible(especially for a 1 hour time slot).The basis is willingness, and you can't teach willingness. I give advice regularly in a few different places, and that's the biggest obstacle. Most of the people that "want to learn" seem to think there's some magic way for them to understand them and to do things perfectly... without changing anything about themselves. Trying to convince a "nice guy" why the way he's acting isn't perceived well is near impossible. In their minds they are doing everything a girl would want a guy to be, and it's not them that's wrong, it's the girls that are wrong. Yet they still ask for help, because they believe magic advice can be given to them, only they get upset when they're told they're acting in a way that women don't like.

Then there's the final goal. What are you trying to teach them... an understanding so that they can impress to have sex with, or an understanding so that they can form a relationship to grow and understand each other with. They're two very different things, and done in completely different ways. The idea has so much to expand on, and something more specific and tight knitted would have to be established if the idea is to go through and actually attempt to teach anything, instead of just be an amusing joke of guys talking about girls.

[xRaMeNx117]

Um is this still going on? I would like to speak and help out with this. I can see where there could be problems but maybe things can be thought from 2 differnt places (male and female) I would like speak about "things that could break the ice" like topics and gaining confidence to speak with guys n such. Though some of us men are simple and don't really care about conversation. Some of us enjoy getting to know a girl and haveing conversation. This could be a great panel. Let me know what's going on so maybe we can brain storm.

[clawmaster]

Um is this still going on? I would like to speak and help out with this. I can see where there could be problems but maybe things can be thought from 2 differnt places (male and female) I would like speak about "things that could break the ice" like topics and gaining confidence to speak with guys n such. Though some of us men are simple and don't really care about conversation. Some of us enjoy getting to know a girl and haveing conversation. This could be a great panel. Let me know what's going on so maybe we can brain storm.

yea i am with him. i mean what he is saying....not actually being somebody to come down and explain stuff. unless its a set time where i can to....sort of. but anyways yea like him i too like to get to know people. besides people with kewl looking costumes must of interesting stories of how they got their costumes done.

[xRaMeNx117]

I think the best things to discuss are ice breakers, how to know if the guy you just met is a jerk, understanding that there are more than just 1 type of guy, listing the different types of guys,  (shy, players, etc)(maybe ways to find out if your guy falls into any of the types) being safe with new guys you meet. That's all I have now. Just a few ideas I really wanna see this thing happen. Please let me know what's going on with this.

[Rainbow Ichi]

hmm a 'how to talk to boys' panel would be helpful.

I usually find myself awkward when I talk to boys/men who don't share anime/game interests, most of the time ending up stuttering trying to say something I already forgot X_x

[xRaMeNx117]

Aw its ok.  :D but who's sopose to be in charge of this thing anyway?

[Lybi]

Oh I'd like this! It sounds fun! You guys could have something like talking to boys exercises in the panel too? I'd love to help out too, if you guys needed help. I just don't think I'd be able to lecture or anything though.

[PyronIkari]

Here, realistically I'll answer both how to talk to boys, and how to talk to girls.

Confidence in what you say, and a strong backing in what you say to support it. Then the confidence to expand from that.

The subject matter doesn't matter as long as it somehow applies to why you are talking to the person(as in... hey I think you're attractive, can I have your number... is a fully acceptable application and point of discussion for when you meet someone). From there, it's based on the personality of the person which you have to gauge and measure for yourself.

Then you go base on intent. What is your intent, are you trying to sleep with the person, or form a friendship, or a relationship?

To sleep with someone, sound impressive, and confident, but slightly disinterested and make them want to know more about you.

To form a friendship, sound eager and passionate about what you say, but not overbearing over the other person, allow them to give as much input as you do.

To form a relationship, be honest about your position and be confident, but humble. If they know your position and are interested they will respond.

Of course those are extremely general but they are the basic outline. They vary drastically according to who you are and who they are, so rather... this entire basis is pointless. It comes down to your own confidence and actually trying.

The end.

[quantbits]

actually it should be named "how to talk to nerds", IMO =)
(Since most con-goers are high in computer-skills and other "nerdy" aspects)

I stumbled on this a few days back... it's quite accurate and should help females out there to understand male otaku/nerds. ^_^

http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2003/07/10/nadd.html
http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2007/11/11/the_nerd_handbook.html

by no means am I implying there's anything negative with anime, otakuism, nerdiness, WoW, etc...

[dibbly]

Here, realistically I'll answer both how to talk to boys, and how to talk to girls.

Confidence in what you say, and a strong backing in what you say to support it. Then the confidence to expand from that.

The subject matter doesn't matter as long as it somehow applies to why you are talking to the person(as in... hey I think you're attractive, can I have your number... is a fully acceptable application and point of discussion for when you meet someone). From there, it's based on the personality of the person which you have to gauge and measure for yourself.

Then you go base on intent. What is your intent, are you trying to sleep with the person, or form a friendship, or a relationship?

To sleep with someone, sound impressive, and confident, but slightly disinterested and make them want to know more about you.

To form a friendship, sound eager and passionate about what you say, but not overbearing over the other person, allow them to give as much input as you do.

To form a relationship, be honest about your position and be confident, but humble. If they know your position and are interested they will respond.

Of course those are extremely general but they are the basic outline. They vary drastically according to who you are and who they are, so rather... this entire basis is pointless. It comes down to your own confidence and actually trying.

The end.

i'd just stick with actually trying. confidence or not, but con' doesn't hurt=)
a panel like this would rock. i'd love to see this happen. and i think would help alot of people, not to mention the neat stories to share.

[clawmaster]

Here, realistically I'll answer both how to talk to boys, and how to talk to girls.

Confidence in what you say, and a strong backing in what you say to support it. Then the confidence to expand from that.

The subject matter doesn't matter as long as it somehow applies to why you are talking to the person(as in... hey I think you're attractive, can I have your number... is a fully acceptable application and point of discussion for when you meet someone). From there, it's based on the personality of the person which you have to gauge and measure for yourself.

Then you go base on intent. What is your intent, are you trying to sleep with the person, or form a friendship, or a relationship?

To sleep with someone, sound impressive, and confident, but slightly disinterested and make them want to know more about you.

To form a friendship, sound eager and passionate about what you say, but not overbearing over the other person, allow them to give as much input as you do.

To form a relationship, be honest about your position and be confident, but humble. If they know your position and are interested they will respond.

Of course those are extremely general but they are the basic outline. They vary drastically according to who you are and who they are, so rather... this entire basis is pointless. It comes down to your own confidence and actually trying.

The end.

i'd just stick with actually trying. confidence or not, but con' doesn't hurt=)
a panel like this would rock. i'd love to see this happen. and i think would help alot of people, not to mention the neat stories to share.

lol i know what u mean. should be interesting to hear and see XP. dont worry ladies I wont laugh unless it is funny then we would laugh.

[xRaMeNx117]

Who's sopose to be running this? Cuz I would really wanna help and give some insight or even host.

[havok rt]

Umm...can I come to the panel to pick up chicks?

[kgHapa]

Eh the way I look at it....everybody is dumb and confusing, not just one gender or another :D
But seriously though, girls confuse the hell out of me (though I can see why guys can be confusing too, damn I confuse myself a good amount of the time)

[TheOther_one]

Not all boys are confusing.. only the ones youl ike. ^//^