Nice Guy or Great Guy?

[Ninj4]

http://approachanxiety.com/?p=231

This was an interesting read.

[Kaura117]

As a darker interpretation of this, another recent study's suggested that the 10% difference between the nice guy and the great guy is a slight degree of psychopathy, sociopathy or other... abnormal traits. The theory goes that the genetic expression of such is actually a viable short-term mating strategy- which is why otherwise socially counterproductive traits aren't yet bred out of the species after so many millennia.

[Jerry]

I for one believe that I am a nice AND great Guy.
Hands down.  ;) how's that for fanboy confidence.  ;D

Of course, having those pics mixed with the article was pretty distracting.
I kept losing my place. :P

[SOawesomeness]

Hah, that was interesting.

For me, the article is pretty correct. I dun like who can't make moves. It's boring. You make him get stuck in the friend zone.

>:D Muhah, sucks for him.

[Ninj4]

As a darker interpretation of this, another recent study's suggested that the 10% difference between the nice guy and the great guy is a slight degree of psychopathy, sociopathy or other... abnormal traits. The theory goes that the genetic expression of such is actually a viable short-term mating strategy- which is why otherwise socially counterproductive traits aren't yet bred out of the species after so many millennia.

Hmm... so in other words, your opinion is that those who make the first move are usually slightly crazy psychos who pass along that gene to their children?

Beat them to the punch and make the move before they do.   =P

[otakuapprentice]

blah; i know who i am, and who i can become.

still a very interesting read, though.

[questionette]

I kinda like this idea
I remember in middle school there being a 'most wanted guy' - tall, cute, confident and really nice...and his group of friends were a bunch of dickheads

Instinctively speaking, women want the best mate to pass genes on with, right? Of course we want the alpha male. It's interesting that the human mind can hack into the hierarchy of reproductive fitness...

[Kaura117]

As a darker interpretation of this, another recent study's suggested that the 10% difference between the nice guy and the great guy is a slight degree of psychopathy, sociopathy or other... abnormal traits. The theory goes that the genetic expression of such is actually a viable short-term mating strategy- which is why otherwise socially counterproductive traits aren't yet bred out of the species after so many millennia.

Hmm... so in other words, your opinion is that those who make the first move are usually slightly crazy psychos who pass along that gene to their children?

Beat them to the punch and make the move before they do.   =P

Ah... you seem to be making the assumption I'm not a touch on the crazy side myself.

Are you sure you want to be making such an assumption?

To be frank, though, I'm letting my romantic life lie fallow for a couple of years. I was going crazy because of relationship dramas- which just goes to show you that getting the chick is only the start of your woes.

[questionette]

As a darker interpretation of this, another recent study's suggested that the 10% difference between the nice guy and the great guy is a slight degree of psychopathy, sociopathy or other... abnormal traits. The theory goes that the genetic expression of such is actually a viable short-term mating strategy- which is why otherwise socially counterproductive traits aren't yet bred out of the species after so many millennia.

Hmm... so in other words, your opinion is that those who make the first move are usually slightly crazy psychos who pass along that gene to their children?

Beat them to the punch and make the move before they do.   =P

Ah... you seem to be making the assumption I'm not a touch on the crazy side myself.

Are you sure you want to be making such an assumption?

To be frank, though, I'm letting my romantic life lie fallow for a couple of years. I was going crazy because of relationship dramas- which just goes to show you that getting the chick is only the start of your woes.

Excuse me while I laugh to myself because of how TRUE that is for a lot of guys - and that's coming from a girl.
And then I look at my grandparents that were married for 56 years and I think, what troopers they were! The chemical that causes the feeling of love in the brain only lasts about 7 years, what then? Isn't it amazing how some people stick together like that? Seeing as how it doesn't happen very often...

[Kaura117]

As a darker interpretation of this, another recent study's suggested that the 10% difference between the nice guy and the great guy is a slight degree of psychopathy, sociopathy or other... abnormal traits. The theory goes that the genetic expression of such is actually a viable short-term mating strategy- which is why otherwise socially counterproductive traits aren't yet bred out of the species after so many millennia.

Hmm... so in other words, your opinion is that those who make the first move are usually slightly crazy psychos who pass along that gene to their children?

Beat them to the punch and make the move before they do.   =P

Ah... you seem to be making the assumption I'm not a touch on the crazy side myself.

Are you sure you want to be making such an assumption?

To be frank, though, I'm letting my romantic life lie fallow for a couple of years. I was going crazy because of relationship dramas- which just goes to show you that getting the chick is only the start of your woes.

Excuse me while I laugh to myself because of how TRUE that is for a lot of guys - and that's coming from a girl.
And then I look at my grandparents that were married for 56 years and I think, what troopers they were! The chemical that causes the feeling of love in the brain only lasts about 7 years, what then? Isn't it amazing how some people stick together like that? Seeing as how it doesn't happen very often...

Nah. The seven years thing isn't universally applicable. Never mind that there isn't one neurochemical tag for "love," the whole basis of a long-term relationship's that you're not only willing to love them for who they are now, but who they will be later down the road.

[Yuu]

 I find the whole idea of a nice guy' to be the biggest  turn off.

The majority, or in my experience ALL of the guys who pull the whole 'Nice guys finish last' thing are NOT nice.
They put up the front of 'nice guy' but deep down are angry, bitter, vindictive, petty, and often very perverted boys who blame the women who have rejected them for they're 'social problems'.

If not that, then they have no backbone and simply use the 'nice guy' excuse as a cop-out. That way they can continue to blame it on women/the world thus never have to be introspective and god forbid believe it could possibly be themselves that is the problem.

Don't' get me wrong, I know that they are plenty of truly 'nice guys' but you will never hear them bitching about it because they don't have any creepy personality issues to hide.

[Kazuko]

I find the whole idea of a nice guy' to be the biggest  turn off.

The majority, or in my experience ALL of the guys who pull the whole 'Nice guys finish last' thing are NOT nice.
They put up the front of 'nice guy' but deep down are angry, bitter, vindictive, petty, and often very perverted boys who blame the women who have rejected them for they're 'social problems'.

If not that, then they have no backbone and simply use the 'nice guy' excuse as a cop-out. That way they can continue to blame it on women/the world thus never have to be introspective and god forbid believe it could possibly be themselves that is the problem.

Don't' get me wrong, I know that they are plenty of truly 'nice guys' but you will never hear them bitching about it because they don't have any creepy personality issues to hide.

AGREED Oh my lord I want to marry you <3

[XpHoBiaX]

Of course we want the alpha male.

My potential 'mate' is a swedish tranvestite.  ;D

[SOawesomeness]

They put up the front of 'nice guy' but deep down are angry, bitter, vindictive, petty, and often very perverted boys who blame the women who have rejected them for they're 'social problems'.

If not that, then they have no backbone and simply use the 'nice guy' excuse as a cop-out. That way they can continue to blame it on women/the world thus never have to be introspective and god forbid believe it could possibly be themselves that is the problem.

AGREED Oh my lord I want to marry you <3

AGREED SECONDED.
SO freaking true. >.>
I know someone who is exactly like that, but he doesn't know that I know that he is that way. :D

[Ninj4]

They put up the front of 'nice guy' but deep down are angry, bitter, vindictive, petty, and often very perverted boys who blame the women who have rejected them for they're 'social problems'.

If not that, then they have no backbone and simply use the 'nice guy' excuse as a cop-out. That way they can continue to blame it on women/the world thus never have to be introspective and god forbid believe it could possibly be themselves that is the problem.

AGREED Oh my lord I want to marry you <3

AGREED SECONDED.
SO freaking true. >.>
I know someone who is exactly like that, but he doesn't know that I know that he is that way. :D

Those guys are usually the ones who become great friends with girls and listen to their guy problems.  They usually hear stuff like they want a nice, romantic and sweet guy, but are mislead into focusing entirely on that...  It's kind of sad, really.  They hear one side of the story and get incredibly confused when women say they want something, but then go around and choose something different.

In the end, both sides are to blame.  It's the woman's fault for creating a false perception of what they want and it's the men's fault for falling for that false perception.

OH NO I DIDNT. xD

... And something tells me I know who you're talking about, too...  ~_~;

[Yuu]

They put up the front of 'nice guy' but deep down are angry, bitter, vindictive, petty, and often very perverted boys who blame the women who have rejected them for they're 'social problems'.

If not that, then they have no backbone and simply use the 'nice guy' excuse as a cop-out. That way they can continue to blame it on women/the world thus never have to be introspective and god forbid believe it could possibly be themselves that is the problem.

AGREED Oh my lord I want to marry you <3

AGREED SECONDED.
SO freaking true. >.>
I know someone who is exactly like that, but he doesn't know that I know that he is that way. :D

Me too. On both accounts.
He's a total creep/thief/pervert and has been stalking me every since I rejected him.
He's created several yahoo accounts posing as girls to talk me. He thinks he's SOO damned crafty but the truth is I just haven't said anything because it isn't worth my time.

[Ninj4]

Me too. On both accounts.
He's a total creep/thief/pervert and has been stalking me every since I rejected him.
He's created several yahoo accounts posing as girls to talk me. He thinks he's SOO damned crafty but the truth is I just haven't said anything because it isn't worth my time.

Oh wow.  Yeah, the ones who don't know how to let go and move on are the fun ones.

It sounds like he's stuck in the "OMG you're so awesome there's no one else like you in the world I MUST HAVE YOU" mindset.  It is true that there isn't going to be anyone else like you, but unfortunately, it sounds like he effed up any chance that he got with you and needs to get that into his head.

Bluntly speaking, you're just one person out of how many left in this world.  Two to one, he can probably find someone else who'll like him for him if he tried hard enough, but he can't see that just yet.  Apparently, that's a difficult concept to understand for most guys.

[edendreams]

y'know i was reading through the article and it was good. The same can actually be said about women too at some extent. Women i think tend to be needier than guys when it comes to trying to make a relationship work. I willingly admit i've been there but my experiences in being burned helped to make me stronger.

Really it all comes down to how well you can perceive your surroundings. Can you pick up on the hints? Are you paying attention to his/her mood? how well were you paying attention? i know it may seem a bit silly but in my opinion it is all about perception and how well you do it that helps avoid a great deal of conflicts and makes the relationship stronger.

not being judgmental or selfish is also greatly important because really the reason you look to getting into a relationship is to make the other person your companion. do you really want to give part of your life to someone you can barely stand? or have to just tolerate? isn't it great to say your best friend is your mate?

^-^

[Yuu]

Me too. On both accounts.
He's a total creep/thief/pervert and has been stalking me every since I rejected him.
He's created several yahoo accounts posing as girls to talk me. He thinks he's SOO damned crafty but the truth is I just haven't said anything because it isn't worth my time.

Oh wow.  Yeah, the ones who don't know how to let go and move on are the fun ones.

It sounds like he's stuck in the "OMG you're so awesome there's no one else like you in the world I MUST HAVE YOU" mindset.  It is true that there isn't going to be anyone else like you, but unfortunately, it sounds like he effed up any chance that he got with you and needs to get that into his head.

Bluntly speaking, you're just one person out of how many left in this world.  Two to one, he can probably find someone else who'll like him for him if he tried hard enough, but he can't see that just yet.  Apparently, that's a difficult concept to understand for most guys.

He has a GF who likes for whom she thinks she THINKS he is ( the few people who do know the real him want NOTHING to do with him.)

It's sad. His GF and I were best friends for over ten years.
She always looked to me for advice ( she is quite naive and I ..am not) but of coarse when I tried to warn her about him, she wouldn't hear it.
He treats her like dirt. He cheats on her and from what I've heard, ( from his own brother) fixes his 'bad days' by making her cry and laughing about it.

The irony here is that everyone is certain he's only dating her as another GENIUS scheme to ensure that he would still get to see me. Too bad, I haven't talked to either of them in three years and he's stuck.

Unfortunately, this does mean that no, he will never 'move on'. I really wish he would.

[edendreams]

Me too. On both accounts.
He's a total creep/thief/pervert and has been stalking me every since I rejected him.
He's created several yahoo accounts posing as girls to talk me. He thinks he's SOO damned crafty but the truth is I just haven't said anything because it isn't worth my time.

Oh wow.  Yeah, the ones who don't know how to let go and move on are the fun ones.

It sounds like he's stuck in the "OMG you're so awesome there's no one else like you in the world I MUST HAVE YOU" mindset.  It is true that there isn't going to be anyone else like you, but unfortunately, it sounds like he effed up any chance that he got with you and needs to get that into his head.

Bluntly speaking, you're just one person out of how many left in this world.  Two to one, he can probably find someone else who'll like him for him if he tried hard enough, but he can't see that just yet.  Apparently, that's a difficult concept to understand for most guys.

He has a GF who likes for whom she thinks she THINKS he is ( the few people who do know the real him want NOTHING to do with him.)

It's sad. His GF and I were best friends for over ten years.
She always looked to me for advice ( she is quite naive and I ..am not) but of coarse when I tried to warn her about him, she wouldn't hear it.
He treats her like dirt. He cheats on her and from what I've heard, ( from his own brother) fixes his 'bad days' by making her cry and laughing about it.

The irony here is that everyone is certain he's only dating her as another GENIUS scheme to ensure that he would still get to see me. Too bad, I haven't talked to either of them in three years and he's stuck.

Unfortunately, this does mean that no, he will never 'move on'. I really wish he would.

unfortunitly when you try to get between a guy and a girl often times the girls will choose the guy instead. It's true when they say the girl/guy will have to learn for themselves, the trick to interfering without getting between is to talk around the relationship. a great example is my sister who was with a guy for 6 years. That guy abused her and did so many unspeakable things to her but the more we tried to get through to her the more she pulled away. it wasn't until her best friend ran off with him that they broke up...

the thing is people have a tendancy to build up a fantasy about a person. That fantasy isn't the real person but often times that's what hooks gullible men and women into relationships where they're going to be hurt.  That's how come it's so hard to break the line... the person doesn't want to lose their fantasy.  it's very hard to be that friend but when you respect their desire to be happy and you want them to not suffer that's the kind of attitude to approach them with when trying to help. if it was my friend i would ask questions of "how does that make you feel?" and "what kinds of things does he do for you?" those kinds of questions make a person really think it's worked on me and for my other friends too so if the opportunity arises try it out.