10 Female Characters You Couldn't Handle If They Were Real...

Started by Jerry, August 02, 2010, 10:01:29 AM

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Another random blog i thought was interesting, enjoy!

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Females in video games tend to be designed to do one thing - get the attention of male gamers. Sure they can be just as badass as the male heroes, stars and villains of other games, but their designs almost always lean towards the "exaggerated" side regarding their female endowments. It's one of the reasons there's an entire market for dolls, posters and more (primarily in Asia). Even cosplay has invaded western culture with real-life women becoming "internet famous" just for dressing like the sexier female characters. So of course we've heard all the talk from different gamers saying things like; "You know what I would do to her?". Because of this, we're looking at top 10 females that you might think you want, but wouldn't know what to do with if they were real.


Samus Aran is the star of the Metroid franchise introduced way back in the original 1986 Metroid on the little gray NES. She's a female bounty hunter, which of course is automatically hot, and usually is wearing an armor suit with weapons that include beams and missiles. Samus has appeared in tons of Metroid games with another on the way soon. Samus is also one of the first major female leads in video games. While no one knew it when they first started playing Metroid, the world soon learned that Samus Aran was the first sexy female in gaming. But let's face facts here - She kicks way too much ass for you to handle her.

Morrigan Aensland

Morrigan was one of the easiest choices when we decided on picking the babes you can't handle list. While many people criticize video games for having inproportionate features on female characters, Morrigan takes it to a-whole-other level. But as you can see by the image below, there are some women out there who are "equipped" to portray the character. But what is it about Morrigan that makes her so appealing? Morrigan is from the Darkstalkers line of Capcom games (although it's called Vampire and/or Vampire Savior in other regions). Morrigan is a succubus who is very vain and lives for little more than the excitement of battle. We all like competitive chicks and she has all the right in the world to be vain based on the fact she made our list. The character's appearance is a beautiful woman with long, light green hair, large breasts and bat-like wings on her back and the sides of her head. Morrigan can reshape these wings into spikes and blades when attacking her enemies, as well as using them to shield her from enemy attacks. Come on. You really think you could handle her?


Cammy was another easy choice because like all the top girls on this list, she is a favorite among our cosplay fanboys and has one of the most popular cosplay features we ever had. Cammy is from the Street Fighter series, but we pray you already knew that. She first appeared in Super Street Fighter II:The New Challengers, which was released for the arcades in 1993, as one of the "New Challengers". She is the second female fighter in the Street Fighter series, following Chun-Li who also made our list. Cammy has also appeared in the Street Fighter Alpha games, initially as a hidden character and then as a playable character, in Street Fighter Alpha 2 Gold and Street Fighter Alpha 3 respectively. Cammy also made our list because she was actually voted back into the SF franchise after missing the console edition of SF III (although she made the PC version). Capcom held a pole and fans voted the hottie back onto consoles, but in real life, she'd tear you a new one.


Felicia is our second Darkstalkers lady to make the list. She debuted in the original Darkstalkers and every sequel. She's become so popular that she's made the leap into several other Capcom franchises. Felicia came to be while designing the original Darkstalkers. Capcom wanted to have two female characters: a cabwoman and a female vampire. You already know the vampire (succubus) character is Morrigan and Felicia got the second spot in the series. She's also a great example of the catwoman fetish that is far more popular in the East than in Western culture. Although we do admit we can see some of the attraction after checking out Felicia. The cosplayer below is another example of a real woman coming close to "filling" the role of the character.

Tifa Lockhart

Tifa Lockhart is a female protagonist in Final Fantasy VII and still reigns as the number one cosplay feature in our Cosplay Babe of the Week section. Because of this, she's an obvious pick as one of the sexiest, if not the sexiest, female character in the history of the Final Fantasy franchise. Tifa's long hair falls below her waist and is tied at the end in a distinctive dolphin-tail split. Tifa's hair is dark brown, but in some appearances it looks black. Tifa's eyes are officially addressed as red, but they have also been depicted as brown in some appearances, and she wears white tear-drop earrings. She wears a sleeveless white tank shirt that shows her stomach with a short black miniskirt and a pair of black suspenders connected to her belt. She also wears fighting gloves that come up to her elbows, which have metal protecting pads, and she wears old boots.

Ivy Valentine

Isabella Valentine, or as most of us know her- Ivy, is from the Soul video game franchise. Originally created by Namco's Project Soul division, she first appeared in the original Soul Calibur (the second title in the series after Soul Blade) and each of the sequels that followed. She's the illegitimate daughter of undead pirate Cervantes de Leon. So she's got some daddy issues which explains why she chooses to do combat in the least amount of clothes possible. Some news sources like MSNBC argue that Ivy's busty appearance goes "too far". We say that is bull. We want more. But can we handle more?

Sniper Wolf

Sniper Wolf was an easy choice for a few reasons. First off, she can kick ass! While she was killed off in the second battle of Metal Gear Solid, some believe her soul or spirit was kept alive and put into a Gear by Otacon. That's all debatable. What isn't debatable is that she is tough and a loner. She bucks the trend of snipers and is a solo-artist. But the main reason she makes this list is for her looks. The awesome black top under the Iraqi coveralls is hot. Sniper Wolf is able to disarm you with her looks and then kick your ass right after. Tick her off though and it's some lead between the eyes.


Nariko doesn't really require a lot of detail in terms of description. Just look at her. She can tear enemies a new one all while looking amazing. Maybe it's the Ninja toga she's sporting that is totally hot. Maybe it's the fact that she wields a kickass sword that morphs depending on the attack she's using. Then of course there's the fact that she is one of the hottest red-heads in the history of gaming. The real question here is whether or not her sword will intimidate most men in the bedroom. That's a big tool to live up to.

Joanna Dark

Fiery red heads always find a way onto our lists. And Joanna is no different. She's the top agent employed by the Carrington Institute, specializing in combat, espionage, and undercover operations. As the star of the Perfect Dark series, she plays a pivotal role in the events of the games. While she did debut on the Nintendo 64, she's 100% Xbox now that Rare is wholly part of the Microsoft world and made her 360 debut in Perfect Dark Zero. She gives Xbox fanboys something to long for, but can they handle this secret agent?


Some of you may be thinking to yourself that this spot should belong to Kasumi since we're picking a Dead or Alive girl, but we felt Kasumi gets too much attention already. Plus, Christie is looking fine in that dominatrix leather thing she has going on there. Whether she's playing volleyball, lying by the pool while teenage boys try to find the best camera angle, or kicking butt in the ring; Christie is tops on our list of DoA girls. Just like the rest of the girls on this list, there are multiple reasons we question whether or not most guys could handle her. She's equipped in the body and ass-kicking skills department equally.

Ironically, I know Chun Li was mentioned on this list but didnt appear...

Other characters worth noting like Kasumi or Ayane from the DOA series.
Jill Valentine or Claire Redfield from the Resident Evil Series...

Do you think any other characters are missing?
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Quote from: G.I.R on August 12, 2010, 12:50:43 AM
   ... You Forgot Erin Esurance.   ;D

I think they retired her, because the Esurance commercials are really LAME now.  :-[
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jerry.pang

Games, Friends & Fanime oh my! :D


In my left brain, there's nothing right & in my right brain, there's nothing left.