Chuck Norris: Just the facts

[zoupzuop2]

Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

[Ryumon Hozukimaru]

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

These are just a few.

[G.I.R]

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

The "Chuck Norris Facts" dashboard widget for OS X

[aznmagic2015]

Q: What's the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush?
A: Chuck Norris'...

[xxxplizit (pogi1kenobi)]

o god.  More Chuck Norris stuff.

To add to what's already been linked:

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris/Facts

[Glitch]

Chuck Norris never signs for "Act Of God" because god knows better than that.

Chuck Norris is always courteous enough to send death certificates to the families of those he's killed. Now you know why your mail takes so long.

[G.I.R]

They once tried to market a line of Chuck Norris toilet paper but it had to be recalled because Chuck
Norris doesn't take shit from anyone.

[G.I.R]

Maybe he's happy about the coupons.

[satanic_mechanic]

Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse kick Barack Obama, but he blocked it. With Hope. To this day, Chuck Norris has a Hope-shaped burn mark on his shin.

[astroboy]

[G.I.R]

Chuck Norris once wore an Alien Face Hugger as a sleep mask.  He found it to be comfortable, but stopped using it because the agonizing death screams of the Chest Burster trying to escape kept waking him up in the night.

[satanic_mechanic]

Chuck Norris once wore an Alien Face Hugger as a sleep mask.  He found it to be comfortable, but stopped using it because the agonizing death screams of the Chest Burster trying to escape kept waking him up in the night.

CHUCK PARADOX....

but GIR, Chuck Norris does not sleep - he waits.

[G.I.R]