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papertiger11

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a question for the ladies...
« on: May 19, 2008, 07:19:40 PM »

so i'm a bit shy with meeting people...girls especially. so is it okay for a guy to come up to you and say hello at fanime? or is that something you girls get really annoyed by...

and just a general fanime question...which events are usually geared towards meeting people and making friends?

i'm a newbie californian here and hoping to make some friends while at fanime...
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FinalShadows

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2008, 07:33:32 PM »

so i'm a bit shy with meeting people...girls especially. so is it okay for a guy to come up to you and say hello at fanime? or is that something you girls get really annoyed by...

and just a general fanime question...which events are usually geared towards meeting people and making friends?

i'm a newbie californian here and hoping to make some friends while at fanime...
I give kudos to you for doing what I can't do D:
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Dancing Lanza

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2008, 07:33:49 PM »

lol~
I am pretty much on the same boat with you
so shy that I never had a gf >__<

but something I know might help you~
one of the panel for Fanime is "How to talk to girls" =D
I meant that's like the Panel for ppl like us!! yay ^___^
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papertiger11

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2008, 07:45:08 PM »

haha, i just hope some girls show up to that event...otherwise, it will get really awkward...
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Liars Dice

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2008, 07:52:28 PM »

pwn and bwn
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PyronIkari

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2008, 07:59:12 PM »

What a bunch of idiots?

Question. How do you expect to meet/talk to someone, if you do not go up and say hi?

Going up and saying hi is fine, it's what you do AFTER that, that makes things good/bad/awkward/creepy.

Meeting people? Any. It matters what kind of people you want to meet. Generally, people go to ones... that they enjoy. I.E. they will go to a cosplay gathering for a series they enjoy...

Why does this thread scream and cry desperate and lonely, who is caring more about trying to meet a cute girl (of which he will screw it up bad with and/or become "a friend" to) over doing things the person enjoys.
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questionette

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2008, 08:13:29 PM »

Dude, I'm sure a LOT of people that go to fanime, go to meet new people with the same interests as them.  So yeah, saying "hi" to someone isn't out of the question AT ALL, unless you're like, REALLY creepy or awkward, then I might run away...as would others...:D

billgoku

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2008, 08:18:00 PM »

Just be yourself. lol You may get lucky and find someone that fits you just right.
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Kaura117

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2008, 08:45:04 PM »

"Just Be Yourself" is the usual advice given- but let's be honest, folks, it's pretty shoddy advice. It's vague, it's nonsensical, and worst- it's inaccurate. One would hope that your "self" and personality can't be as easily and succinctly summarized as J. Random Background Character, with only one identifiable feature and behavioral pattern. One would hope, instead, that you are a complex, multifaceted character- basically, human.

The advice that most mean to give isn't "be yourself," but more accurately "show your best." If the aim is courtship, then the means of interaction is ultimately- and, admittedly, deceptively- simple: you are advertising your best traits. If the aim is merely friendly interaction, then what you're advertising isn't necessarily your best traits, but your overlapping traits- the things, subjects and obsessions you have in common.

Whether or not anybody buys it is something else altogether. However, much like with business, you run into less trouble if you advertise what you actually have to offer. False advertising, in relationships and in business, gets you into hot, scalding waters.
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Nyxyin

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2008, 09:20:48 PM »

is it okay for a guy to come up to you and say hello at fanime? or is that something you girls get really annoyed by...
It depends on a lot of other factors.  I'd be annoyed by someone (of any gender) saying hello if...
a) they smell bad
b) they say hello and then stand there nervously and do nothing else
c) they stopped an interesting conversation without having anything to add to the conversation
d) they're trying to hold a side conversation when I'm trying to listen to a live panel or if I'm obviously in a hurry to get somewhere else
e) they mumble and I can't hear them clearly
f) they ask for too many personal details too quickly
g) they seem more interested in me personally than anime, manga, video games, cosplay, or anything else at the convention

I'd be delighted if someone (of any gender) came up and said hello if...
a) they're clean
b) they speak clearly and offer interesting conversation
c) they are obviously enjoying the convention and want to talk about anime, manga, video games, cosplay, or something else related to the convention.

Things that people shouldn't ask me within the first hour of meeting me:
a) if I want or have a boyfriend, if I want to "go out", what my sexual orientation is
b) anything about me personally that isn't related to anime, manga, video games, etc.

Things that I would enjoy being asked:
a) what interesting anime-related activities are available locally
b) what food is available in the area
c) what I think about GAINAX
d) what I think about any of the Fanime events I just attended
e) what I'm playing on my DS
f) what characters I'm cosplaying and what series they're from

Girls are human too, you know.  We're not that different from boys.

Events that sound like they might help people meet others:
arcade, e-gaming, tabletop gaming, artist alley, dancing lessons, dealers room, maid cafe (or any food area), create that anime panel, fanime forum panel, how to be a host seminar, story story die panel, endless eva panel, video gripe panel, your anime sucks panel

I particularly liked Tabletop Gaming: I just went in and asked to learn a game, and random strangers would teach me, and we'd play together.  One time I went, someone was just randomly giving prizes to everybody in the room who was playing any game at all, so I got some neat buttons out of it.
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JTchinoy

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2008, 09:23:58 PM »

What a bunch of idiots?

Question. How do you expect to meet/talk to someone, if you do not go up and say hi?

Going up and saying hi is fine, it's what you do AFTER that, that makes things good/bad/awkward/creepy.

Meeting people? Any. It matters what kind of people you want to meet. Generally, people go to ones... that they enjoy. I.E. they will go to a cosplay gathering for a series they enjoy...

Why does this thread scream and cry desperate and lonely, who is caring more about trying to meet a cute girl (of which he will screw it up bad with and/or become "a friend" to) over doing things the person enjoys.
beat me here i see.

should we point him to the talk to girls panel?
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Kaura117

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2008, 09:26:39 PM »

What a bunch of idiots?

Question. How do you expect to meet/talk to someone, if you do not go up and say hi?

Going up and saying hi is fine, it's what you do AFTER that, that makes things good/bad/awkward/creepy.

Meeting people? Any. It matters what kind of people you want to meet. Generally, people go to ones... that they enjoy. I.E. they will go to a cosplay gathering for a series they enjoy...

Why does this thread scream and cry desperate and lonely, who is caring more about trying to meet a cute girl (of which he will screw it up bad with and/or become "a friend" to) over doing things the person enjoys.
beat me here i see.

should we point him to the talk to girls panel?

I motion that we create a "Talk To Human Beings" panel for the socially challenged. Such as the above-mentioned.
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papertiger11

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2008, 09:28:41 PM »

is it okay for a guy to come up to you and say hello at fanime? or is that something you girls get really annoyed by...
It depends on a lot of other factors.  I'd be annoyed by someone (of any gender) saying hello if...
a) they smell bad
b) they say hello and then stand there nervously and do nothing else
c) they stopped an interesting conversation without having anything to add to the conversation
d) they're trying to hold a side conversation when I'm trying to listen to a live panel or if I'm obviously in a hurry to get somewhere else
e) they mumble and I can't hear them clearly
f) they ask for too many personal details too quickly
g) they seem more interested in me personally than anime, manga, video games, cosplay, or anything else at the convention

I'd be delighted if someone (of any gender) came up and said hello if...
a) they're clean
b) they speak clearly and offer interesting conversation
c) they are obviously enjoying the convention and want to talk about anime, manga, video games, cosplay, or something else related to the convention.

Things that people shouldn't ask me within the first hour of meeting me:
a) if I want or have a boyfriend, if I want to "go out", what my sexual orientation is
b) anything about me personally that isn't related to anime, manga, video games, etc.

Things that I would enjoy being asked:
a) what interesting anime-related activities are available locally
b) what food is available in the area
c) what I think about GAINAX
d) what I think about any of the Fanime events I just attended
e) what I'm playing on my DS
f) what characters I'm cosplaying and what series they're from

Girls are human too, you know.  We're not that different from boys.

Events that sound like they might help people meet others:
arcade, e-gaming, tabletop gaming, artist alley, dancing lessons, dealers room, maid cafe (or any food area), create that anime panel, fanime forum panel, how to be a host seminar, story story die panel, endless eva panel, video gripe panel, your anime sucks panel

I particularly liked Tabletop Gaming: I just went in and asked to learn a game, and random strangers would teach me, and we'd play together.  One time I went, someone was just randomly giving prizes to everybody in the room who was playing any game at all, so I got some neat buttons out of it.


thanks, that was quite helpful!

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kuroi

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2008, 09:54:13 PM »

Seconding Nyxyin's epic comment, which says pretty much everything I'd want to say, but a thousand times more coherent.

I consider lines a fantastic place to meet people; I mean, you're standing there, some of us are standing there by ourselves, or we're having conversations about anime, manga, or games, things which are easy enough to make a comment on, and instantly be included in the conversation. I can't count the number of friends I've made in line because I made a quick comment adding onto what someone already said (a lot of the time it was about events, or even the line itself [ahaha AX 06, "The Line That Never Ends" song we made up on the spot]), and then the conversation just kept going. Gatherings are also great, as you've got people all interested in the same series, and it's a great conversation starter to ask why someone chose a character to cosplay, or what their favorite character/episode/etc is and why. There are tons of opportunities to talk to and meet new people.

And definitely seconding the whole "clean and speak clearly" point. Mumbling is awkward; it's almost better to slip up (lord knows I have issues speaking the English language 85% of the time) and laugh it off than be afraid to talk, and if you reek, everyone, not just girls, are going to be wary when you try to talk to them.

A-ALSO, NYXYIN, OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU FOR MENTIONING MY PANEL <3 I hope you're going to be there! (I'm running Create That Anime, and with the exception of the fact that I might be rushing around since it's in the middle of the karaoke contest [which I'm participating in], I'd love to talk to anyone there ^^ And she's totally right; it's going to be tons of fun and spontaneous, and will involve the audience a ton, so there's plenty of opportunities for you to talk to people around you. Plus, with how silly my fellow hosts and I are, we're hoping to have a really comfortable and relaxed feel for the entire thing)
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Jun-Watarase

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2008, 11:13:29 PM »

"Just Be Yourself" is the usual advice given- but let's be honest, folks, it's pretty shoddy advice. It's vague, it's nonsensical, and worst- it's inaccurate. One would hope that your "self" and personality can't be as easily and succinctly summarized as J. Random Background Character, with only one identifiable feature and behavioral pattern. One would hope, instead, that you are a complex, multifaceted character- basically, human.

The advice that most mean to give isn't "be yourself," but more accurately "show your best." If the aim is courtship, then the means of interaction is ultimately- and, admittedly, deceptively- simple: you are advertising your best traits. If the aim is merely friendly interaction, then what you're advertising isn't necessarily your best traits, but your overlapping traits- the things, subjects and obsessions you have in common.

Whether or not anybody buys it is something else altogether. However, much like with business, you run into less trouble if you advertise what you actually have to offer. False advertising, in relationships and in business, gets you into hot, scalding waters.

I agree with this comment. Loads.

No reason to delve into it further, because that pretty much sums it up. What I suggest when meeting a stranger is taking a good look at the situation and finding something to use when meeting them-- you're at a convention, for a specific type of interest. Find something you share in common with that person, relative to where you are, what they're doing, what they're wearing, etc. Basically, find a common interest and start talking about it. But uh... I don't suggest just going up to a person and just spouting away. You don't want to seem awkward, and you don't want to scare people away. I'd imagine it'd be sort of tough for you, since you bothered making a thread on this, but Fanime is filled with many people who would like to believe themselves to be open-minded, especially in terms of meeting new people. From that, things should just snowball from there.
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quantbits

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2008, 11:17:30 PM »

Don't be superficial and just target the people cosplaying DOA.

Talk to a girl because you like their personality or hobby or anime/series/etc.
It's just talking to another human being.

Second the vote for talk to humans panel, while I'm at it. ;D
« Last Edit: May 19, 2008, 11:29:26 PM by quantbits »
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NeoValkyrion

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2008, 11:54:15 PM »

The running theory, of course, is that for your average male geek, your chances of running into a girl that shares your interests are much better by going to an anime convention. While this is true, there are a large number of other factors you have to consider.

Geek girls, much like werewolves, dragons, the babel fish, and other mythical creatures often conceal their true natures so as to blend in with their surroundings. This intriguing camouflage ability is noticeably lacking in the large majority of their male counterparts (and in fact ends up confusing them), and anime conventions are one of the few places where these specimens will reveal their true geekish tendencies and gather the interest of the common male geek. This results in many cases of what is often known as "stupid geek syndrome", as such a radical change in behavior deeply confuses the male geek.

Because geek girls have this camouflage reflex, however, it is more than likely that the specimen will already have a mate, thus turning any advances by a male geek into the equivalent of social suicide (and even in many cases where the specimen has no mate). As a result, male geeks are placed in a predicament where by seeking one of these newly revealed geek girls, they must refrain from pursuing this objective until a time at which such can be done without scaring the specimen away.

For the period of first contact with the rare specimen, which often means the entirety of Fanime weekend, a male geek must simply try to form common ground with the geek girl, most likely using the current subject matter (anime). The levels of success in this task depend upon the geek's intuition, the amount of time (too much contact could spare the specimen away), and eventually the ultimate goal of forming means of regular contact with said specimen by the end of the convention. Should this step be reached, the male geek may then have a chance at pursuing a relationship with the specimen over a period of time afterwards. Although this period of time is dependent on many factors, including but not limited to the amount of follow-up communication, the geek girl's life status, and other interests in the male geek's life, a chance at a relationship with the rare geek girl is now infinitely more likely than what it would be if the male geek succumbs to stupid geek syndrome.

This scientific theory is brought to you buy the ongoing study of the female creature by GWTMTTH (Geeks With Too Much Time on Their Hands). Please report all findings from experimentations and variations of this theory to the head research division. Thank you for your time.

NeoValkyrion
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Nick Zebra

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2008, 12:02:11 AM »

Listen, strictly speaking, it's natural for boys to be shy of girls at some point. And hell, I know it better than most having 6 ex-girlfriends, and being shot down more than my fare share, I can tell ya, girls can be real jerks when it comes to being approached. But from what I've noticed, girls here rather enjoy the attention and are more than inviting with friendly chats or otherwise. And like they say, you can't lose until you play! (ultra cliche)

But really, being yourself just isn't going to cut it. Because if being yourself is low self esteem and doubting your vigor and ability to socially connect with people, then yourself isn't what you want to present. Instead try being a little more confident, carry yourself with a personality that says you are generally interested to make a intellectual, emotional, or even physical (if that's all you're interested in) bond. That way, even if you fail, you as a person can take pride in the fact that you gave whatever you had.

Always ask yourself, what's the worse that could happen? when approaching a girl, the answer is almost always "she doesn't like you" and if that's the case, so what?

I'm all for panels on talking to humans, but don't you think the first step is cultivating the human first? In a sense, lets figure out what we are offering BEFORE we figure out how to offer it.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2008, 12:13:08 AM by Nick Zebra »
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FinalShadows

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2008, 12:04:28 AM »

Listen, strictly speaking, it's natural for boys to be shy of girls. And hell, I know it better than most having 11 ex-girlfriends, and being shot down more than my fare share, I can tell ya girls can be real jerks when it comes to being approached. But from what I've noticed, girls here rather enjoy the attention and are more than inviting with friendly chats or otherwise. And like they say, you can't lose until you play!
I was shot down by 2 girls last year D:
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Kaura117

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Re: a question for the ladies...
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2008, 12:05:11 AM »

Listen, strictly speaking, it's natural for boys to be shy of girls. And hell, I know it better than most having 11 ex-girlfriends, and being shot down more than my fare share, I can tell ya girls can be real jerks when it comes to being approached. But from what I've noticed, girls here rather enjoy the attention and are more than inviting with friendly chats or otherwise. And like they say, you can't lose until you play!

More importantly, I think, you can't win until you play. The odds may be stacked against you, but at least you have an odd. 0.0000000000001% is 100% when compared to 0%.
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