The All Purpose Television Quote Thread.

[G.I.R]

Since all of the T.V. show quote threads are gone, why not a general one?

This time, list the person or character that is being quoted, and the show the quote is from.
Also, it's not just limited to Dramas and sit-coms.  Feel free to put quotes fro talk shows, and game shows as well.



Homer:   Homerclease has no need of beans!

(from the Simpsons).





David Letterman:  So...      What were you thinking?

David Letterman to Hugh Grant.

[AbsolutelyCursed]

David Letterman:  So...      What were you thinking?

David Letterman to Hugh Grant.

Actually I think that quote came from Jay Leno to Hugh Grant

[G.I.R]

Oops!  My bad...


Stewie:  Hey Lois!  How about less "Yakity Yak", and more cuttin' up my bannana!  What am I supposed to do?  Stick the whole thing in my mouth...
          ...Well Hello!

[G.I.R]

BooBoo:  But Yogi, Mr. Ranger isn't gonna like this.

[G.I.R]

T.V. Anouncer:  And now we return to Harrison Ford randomly telling people he wants his family back.


Family Guy

[Dagger-6]

Thank you for your nice letter. But I am actually a US Marine, who was born to kill, whereas clearly you seem to have mistaken me for some sort of wine-sipping Communist. And although peace probably appeals to tree-hugging people like you, and your parents, I happen to be a death-dealing, blood-crazed warrior who wakes up every day just hoping for the chance to dismember my enemies and defile their civilizations.

Peace sucks, Freddy. War is the answer.
-Corporal Person, Generation Kill

Heavily censored, but you get the idea. =P

[BrightHeart76]

Buffy The Vampire Slayers

Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
Anya: I don't have a date for the prom.
Xander: Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch?
Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me?
Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which.

[Liquid]

Dr. Cox: Look, Janice, Denise, Tiffany Amber Thiiiieeeessen! Lemme go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Perry's Perspective. One: If someone's standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can't decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. Two: I'm fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there'd only be one website left, and it'd be called "Bring back the porn!" Three and most importantly of all: The only way to be respected as a doctor - nay, respected as a man - is to be an island; you are born alone, you damn sure die alone.

- Scrubs

[Liquid]

Ted: We just don't like your naked girls.
Barney: What!? My girls aren't hot enough. I mean, yeah alright fine, the stripper at Stuart's bachelor party was a 15.
Ted: She was 15!!?
Barney: No. A 15. Like in blackjack.
Ted: [pauses to think] ...As in..not sure whether you'd hit it?
Barney: Exactly!
Ted: Nice.

- How I Met Your Mother

[G.I.R]

Cuddy: House, I've got a DCFS home visit on Friday.
House: ... and I've got a W-H-O-R-E visit on...



House

[Eliteslayer]

Zoidberg: You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. YOU ALL STILL HAVE ZOIDBERG!

Futurama

[Rette]

Farscape:

Crais:
Have you any idea how much trouble you're in?
Assault on a police officer,
Theft of police property,
Illegal possesion of a firearm,
Five counts of attempted murder,
That comes to:
$29.40
Cash, check, or credit card?

Babylon 5:

Vir: You know what I'd like? I'd like to live just long enough to see the day they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I'd look up at your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. *waves*


Sheridan: You know, I really hate it when you do that.
Kosh: Good.

[BrightHeart76]

If we're going Sci-Fi.... (shamelessly ripped from the internet)


The Borg: Freedom is irrelevant. Resistance is futile.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Borg: Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. We wish to improve ourselves. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Borg: Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant. You must comply.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Borg: Death is irrelevant. Your archaic cultures are authority-driven. To facilitate our introduction into your societies, it has been decided that a human voice will speak for us in all communications. You have been chosen to be that voice.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Locutus: If you attempt to intervene, we will destroy you.
Commander Riker: Take your best shot, Locutus, we are about to intervene.

[G.I.R]

Holly:  "Emergency. Emergency. There's an emergency going on. It's still going on. It's still an emergency. This is an emergency announcement."

Red Dwarf.

[Runewitt]

Lister: The red, green and blue alert signs are all flashing. What the smeg does that mean?
Kryten: Well either we're under attack sir, or we're having a disco.

Red Dwarf

[G.I.R]

(Lister talking to Kryten about Rimmer)

Lister:  If you want, you can call him "Molecule mind", "Dinosaur Breath", "Smeg for brains", and if your feeling mega, mega, mega polite, you can call him "asshole"


Red Dwarf.


And I know someone else posted this in the lost Futureama quote thread, but it needs repeating:

Farnsworth:  Sweet Zombi Jesus!

[G.I.R]

Kryten:  "We could go to Dallas in November, 1963, stand on the grassy knoll and shout "Duck!"                ... I'm sorry.
I must have bypassed my Good Taste Chip."

Red Dwarf.

[Runewitt]

Kryten: My nipples don't work.


Red Dwarf

[G.I.R]

Hank and Dean:  Go Team Venture!


The Venture Brothers.

[Liquid]

Red Dwarf sounds kinda funny. I must look into watching this show.